I really REALLY do not like my calling in church in right now. I'm a primary teacher. I am not a "kid person". Especially with other people's wild little hooligans.
It feels like I'm being set up to fail. They've partnered me and Cam together to teach, which works great, except that about 1/3 of the time, Cam is working on Sundays. So, it's me, Lexi, and at least 7 or 8 five year olds. Which isn't even the greatest challenge. There is a little girl in my class who is mentally challenged (mentally about 11 months old) who's mother told me on the first day of class that she "loves" babies. Which, I didn't think too much of, till I realized that by "love" she meant hits, kicks, bites, and pulls hair. Now, the challenge is to keep Lexi happy and entertained (even though she's missing her afternoon nap), and away from this little girl, teach class, and to NOT LOSE MY MIND. I'm really thinking about talking to the primary presidency and telling them that I just can't handle this little girl, especially once our little baby is born, because then it will be me, Lexi, baby, the class, and the hitting, kicking, biting little girl.
I realize that to address most of the SUPER difficult stuff, I have to go the presidency to get some help. The problem is, I think even if I didn't have all these challenges, I still wouldn't enjoy teaching primary. I hate that when every Sunday rolls around, I dread going to church. For years, I've loved going to church. Right now, I feel like a teenager, saying 'Do I have to go to church today?'
Our ward split (or really two wards were split, and half of each ward was combined to make a new ward, which is the ward I'm in) and a week later, I was put into the primary. So, I've really struggled feeling like I'm a part of this ward. I don't really know anyone, and even my visiting teachers have never come by or anything. I'm feeling lost, and forgotten in the ward and have kind of fallen out of love with going to church. I miss getting that "refill" of spiritual enlightenment each week. It's kind of like 'what's the point of going to church, other than the responsibility of teaching this class, I'm not really GETTING anything out of church.' I want to go to Relief Society, and have church be a relaxing, enjoyable time. Not a stress inducing disaster.
I know that the specifics of my situation are unique to me, but what do you do when you don't like your calling or dread every Sunday? I don't think I could ever ask to be released, so that's just not an option. It makes me feel like a fair-weather member, only enjoying church when it's easy and doing what I want to do. Has anyone else had a difficult time with a calling (any calling, not a primary teacher specifically)?
Please know that my testimony is strong, so I will keep going to church every week because I know it's the right decision. I just want to show up with a smile on my face, rather than a grimace.
Whew,Leisa! That sounds like a tough situation. I totally understand how you feel for two reasons: When I was in a student ward, they made Koy and I the genealogy teachers--which was like the blind leading the blind. I really disliked that calling, and was so happy when they released us. Secondly, when we bought our house, they threw me right into primary, and I felt very, very lonely.
ReplyDeleteSo, here are a few ideas:
1. Tell the Primary Presidency how you feel--this isn't asking to be released, but giving them some feedback.
2. Ask for a new partner since your hubby isn't always available.
3. Maybe ask if you could switch off--teach every other Sunday so you could go to Relief Society or something. We had two choristers in Primary for awhile, so perhaps it can be done here too.
I'm sure that the presidency will want to help, and I'm sure they'll be interested in what you have to say. Good luck, my friend!
I agree that you need to talk to the presidency. It's really a problem or you and Lexi, so they at least need to switch you to another class. Beyond that, does your ward have "relief society activities" regularly? If not, I'm SO sorry! But if they do, try to go! I know, this response sounds really lame. :(
ReplyDeleteI know about disliking callings. I haven't been in one I like since I moved into this ward 4 1/2 years ago.
The primary presidency must have picked on the fact that I was overwhelmed, they split my class today, and the little girl is in the other class. Things will be so much easier now!
ReplyDeleteOur ward just does the quarterly enrichments. For some reason the relief society president is opposed to other activities. And they rarely have a childrens class for enrichment, so I haven't been able to very often cause Cam works.
My lack of friends is partly my fault because I tend to be quite shy. Thanks for letting me vent ladies. Sometimes all a girl needs is some validation and a little support.
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ReplyDeleteI'm glad they split the class. Please tell your presidency if things get overwhelming with the new baby. That is not asking to be released - it is useful information that they can use to then pray about it to seek guidance to know how to best help you.
ReplyDeleteMake time to fill your own bucket. I imagine this is extra difficult with Cameron's schedule. Make time for spiritual filling. Make time for social and emotional. Hire a babysitter if you have to! :) I would do that sometimes when Aaron was deployed. If I was desperate to go to book group or some other social thing I would occasionally hire a sitter. It is money gone, but for me it was worth my sanity!
Inviting people over for dinner is the most comfortable way for me to get to know people in our ward. I do better in my home one-on-one rather than in large-group settings.
Just some thoughts. I hope Sundays start running more smoothly for you and that you can even have some fun with your primary class! :)
Hmmm...in reading that it sounds a tad pushy. Those are things that work for me - I hope you can find things that work for you!
ReplyDeleteOh, Christine, I thought your comments were WONDERFUL! Don't worry, they were a help to us all!
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